Problem solving with reality therapy

Reality Therapy is a counseling method that was developed by Dr. William Glasser in 1965. However, it is so much more than a counseling technique. Reality Therapy is a problem solving method that works well with people who are experiencing problems they want help solving, as well as those who are having problems and appear to not want any assistance. Reality Therapy also provides an excellent model for helping individuals solve their own problems objectively and serves as the ideal questioning series during coaching sessions. The underlying key to Reality Therapy is the relationship that is established with the person who needs the help. This is most critical when you are attempting to help someone who doesn’t really want your help, such as a non-voluntary client, a resistant student or your sometimes even your own child. Without a positive relationship, you have no influence. To your helpee, you sound similar to the way adults sound in the Peanuts cartoons, “Whaa, wha, whaa, whaa, whaa.” Your helpee doesn’t hear you without the relationship. Gary Zucov says, “Relationship is the root of all influence.” This is certainly true. You can have all the knowledge in the world but if the person you are attempting to help doesn’t believe you care and have their best interests at heart, they, most likely, will not be listening to you. So how do you build a relationship? Reality Therapy provides a model by instructing helpers to create a need-satisfying environment. The five basic needs of all humans are survival; love and belonging; power; freedom and fun. So, in a helping relationship, the helper must create an environment where it is possible for the person being helped to feel safe; to feel connected to the helper in some way; to be listened to and respected; to have some choices; and to have some fun or learning with the helper. After creating this need-satisfying environment and working hard to maintain it throughout the relationship, the helper can move on to the actual problem. After hearing the person’s story, the helper needs to determine what the ideal solution would look like from the other person’s point of view. So, for example, if the person were complaining about a fight he had with his girlfriend, ask the question, “What do you want to happen? How do you want this to work out?” It is critical to get a specific picture of what the ideal solution will look like from the perspective of the person experiencing the problem. The helper is leading him or her away from the problem and into a problem-solution mode. In this way, the focus is off the past and the problem, which cannot be changed. The focus instead is on the behavior the person can create to move himself in the direction of the solution he wants. The next step is to take an inventory of all the things the person is doing to attempt to get the situation to work out the way he or she wants. The helper asks the person to list the steps he or she is taking to move closer to his or her goal. Typically, the person will only list positive things, but the helper needs to ask them to consider everything he or she is doing that is both helping and hindering his or her progress. It is even acceptable for the helper to add in some observations of his or her own. The point is to get as complete a picture as possible. In addition to considering one’s outward behavior, ask about their thoughts, feelings and physiology (if appropriate), as well. The next step is the most crucial in the entire process. In the next step the helper asks helpees if their current behavior is likely to get them what they say they want. This is the step where the helper comforts the afflicted and afflicts the comfortable. If the person is already aware that what he or she is doing is not working, then they are already in distress and ready to try something different. So the helper comforts the afflicted by helping them find a solution. On the other hand, if the person is unaware that he or she needs help, this will be the step that drives the point home. Answering this question is likely to afflict the comfortable by holding up a mirror of their own behavior and asking if it is likely to be effective in getting what he or she wants. If the answer is no, then they generally experience enough discomfort to at least look at some alternatives. The final step in the Reality Therapy process is to help the helpee come up with a plan to do something more effective. This is best accomplished by helping the person focus on those things that are within his or her control—his or her own thoughts and actions. We don’t help a depressed person by simply saying, “Cheer up!” People cannot directly control their feelings but they can directly control their actions and thinking. Similarly, people like to focus their time and attention on what others could and should do to give them what they want but attempting to control others is generally a fruitless activity. Helping people to focus on changing their own behavior and thoughts is generally the goal of Reality Therapy. Of course there are many subtle nuances to the process and I have only provided a thumbnail sketch of the process, but you can easily see a variety of applications as mentioned in the introduction to this article.

The effects of having a stutter

If you have difficulties with your speech, you are not alone. Latest figures state that over one percent of people in the UK suffer with a stutter or stammer. This article describes the effects that stuttering can have on a persons life. I am somebody who has overcome a stutter or what some people call a stammer that had basically ruined my life for eighteen years. Stuttering affects people in different ways, however these were the aspects of life I found difficult: Introducing people Ordering food or drinks Speaking on the telephone Attending interviews Trying to attract a girlfriend Socialising with friends or family In general the stutter made me accept second best in life and made life a huge struggle. I found stuttering a disability and was forever looking for ways at beating the stutter. People who knew me including family and friends were not really aware of how the stutter affected my life and were quite shocked when I eventually told them. I attended speech therapy from the age of four or five. My attitude was possibly not what it should have been, in my own mind I always believed that they could not truly understand what I was going through as thay themselves had never had a stutter. The therapy included group and one-to-one treatment and lots of advice to speak slowly and to take deep breaths. I never accepted that I would have the speech impediment for life and aged twenty-two decided that I would attempt to achieve fluency. I was very lucky as I had superb support from my family and friends. This was vital as these were the people I spent hours practicing the techniques I had learnt. I spent about six months working out the techniques and it took another five months to make these techniques a natural part of my speech. As a career I now help other people to achieve fluency by running one to one speech courses which are based in Birmingham. People leave the course with a dvd and a written booklet which act as a reminder of what to do. If you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact me at info@stammering-stuttering. co. uk

The best way to stop smoking

I am somebody who has managed to quit smoking, it took a lot of determination and will power, there were many periods where I was seemingly desperate and had mad cravings for just one last cigarette, however I was able somehow to resist. In this article, I will be giving some advice about how I managed to successfully stop this nasty and unhealthy habit, advice which I hope will help other people to also quit. I had tried many times to stop smoking cigarettes and had always failed after only a few days. What I needed to do, was to try to work out why these previous attempts had failed and to hopefully learn from my mistakes. In my new quest to stop smoking, I would need to have a whole new approach from any that I have had in the past, an approach which may result in success rather than the normal failure. I decided that I would only try again to stop smoking, when my life was in what I classed as a good period. I am the kind of person who easily becomes stressed and I can make the slightest problem seem like the biggest disaster. When I feel that things are not going well in my life, cigarettes become like my friend. At least I have something to look forward to do in that day, smoking. When I am doing well and am happy, I have far less of a need to smoke, therefore this will be the type of period, when I will start yet again to quit the fags. When attempting to stop smoking in the past, I have always told everybody. This is a big mistake as to quit it is important that you stop thinking about cigarettes completely. When you are constantly being asked about how you are finding giving up the cigarettes, it is like a constant reminder to you. By going about it in a quiet way, maybe only telling your closest family members and friends, makes it a whole lot easier. As well as quitting smoking, I also decided to seriously reduce my intake of alcohol. When I had failed in the past, it was normally because I had been drunk and could no longer bat away the voices in my head that were telling me to smoke. The alcohol weakened my resolve and increased the amount and severity of the cravings. It was important therefore to massively reduce the amount of alcohol that I was drinking. Another reason why I had failed in my previous attempts to quit smoking, was possibly due to spending too much time with other people who smoked. I decided that in this new quest, I would attempt to stay away from other smokers as much as I could. This was not that easy as quite a lot of my friends are smokers. I had to be determined and make sacrifices. What I am attempting to do could have a very positive affect on my life, I therefore have to have the courage to do everything in my power that I think will help to lead to a successful conclusion. I hope this article acts as an inspiration for other people to stop smoking.

You can not hide or runaway from your fears and anxieties

Sooner or later, you will have to face your fears and anxieties regardless of how difficult they may be. As a layman and an author of a Managing Fear book, there were times that my fears had the best of me. Through these experiences, there is one thing that I learned. You can’t hide or runaway from your fears. Taking drugs, drinking, or other methods will not take away your problems and fears. So what do you do to make your problems and fears go away? Well, since you can’t runaway from them, then the best solution is to tackle your fears head on no matter how strong they may be. The key is to be smart in how you try to manage these fears. Do not tackle all of your fears at once. Deal with them one at a time. The best solution is to break your fears or problems into a series of smaller stepspleting these smaller tasks one at a time will make the stress more manageable and increases your chances of success. If you still have trouble then seek the services of a professional. Do not give up. Managing your fears takes practice. If it doesn’t work the first time around then try again. Remember that practice makes perfect. Learn how to manage your negative thoughts that may be difficult to manage. When experiencing a negative thought, read some positive statements and affirmations that help lift your spirits and make you feel better. A lot of our fears are based on our negative thoughts. Take it one day at a time. Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems. Focus on the present and stop trying to predict what may happen next week. Next week will take care of itself. Managing your fears and anxieties will take some hard work. Trying to avoid you problems will do nothing in getting rid of your fears and anxieties. Sooner or later, you will have to confront your fears and anxieties. Patience, persistence, education, and being committed in trying to solve your problem will go along way in fixing your problems.